Why don't you give your dog a bath?

Those words, uttered by my housemate, carried a fairly heavy suggestion behind them. Fine, I thought, give the dog a bath. No biggie. Hey, use my bathroom she says to me. Hmm, okay, I think. Use her bathroom. Good. Less mess in my bathroom. Can't argue with that.

C'mon Chey...heading down the stairs....

Chey, unsuspectingly follows me. When I close the bathroom door behind me she starts to look suspicious. You don't usually close the bathroom door. Wait. You don't usually use this bathroom...

Yep, you're right dog. Time for a nice bath.

Amazing how running the water can make a 75 pound shepherd decide that trying to squeeze through the one inch crack under the door is a good idea.

Okay, beast. In the tub with you. Hmm, wait, gotta take the collar off. Okay, we're all set. In the tub with you.

Grr...since when do you not know what In means? Okay, fine. Dog, you are going in the tub whether you like it or not.

Remember to bend the knees - very important when picking up heavy objects. One arm under one end, the other arm under the other end. Lift. Dang, dog, you gained weight or I'm out of shape. Three staggering steps to the tub and then one giant step over the edge of the tub and we're both in.

Water's already running - forethought - amazing.

Hmm...didn't know that ears that stand up could go down like that. Interesting.

Okay, no problem - soak the dog down. Done. Phew. Shampoo...almost out so thin it out a bit with water - hey...that makes it more liquidy than I really want. That's okay - goes into the fur better.

Rub it in all the way, make sure you get all the important parts - especially the green feet - that was the initial reason for this bath anyways.

Rinse. Damn dog, you're stepping on my feet.

Shampoo again to make sure you get all the crud out.

Rinse. Whoops. Lost the dog.

Watch as Chey lunges out of the tub and shakes, soaking the bathroom with water and fur. *sigh*

Okay dog, you are going back in the tub. Argh. I'm not sure my back can take all this dog lifting tonight. Rinse some more. Whoops. Lost the dog AGAIN.

Repeat earlier watching of bathroom destroyal,. Repeat earlier back injurious exercise.

Rinse.

Sonofabitch. Lost the dog AGAIN.

Glad this isn't my bathroom...

Get her back into the tub - you guess how - rinse off last vestiges of shampoo. Okay, dog, you are one done puppy.

Dog escapes and I look down at myself. You know, this is the hairiest I have ever been...

I give up and take a shower while receiving baleful looks from Chey. Dry both of us off and unclog the drain.

Slosh my way upstairs and housemate asks...did you two have fun?

Oh, you couldn't possibly imagine....

Find dry clothes, brush 8 medium sized Pomeranians out of Chey. Relax.

Fade to black.

Half an hour later housemate goes downstairs and ventures into her bathroom.

I hear an agonized shriek, "THERE'S HAIR EVERYWHERE!!!"

Um, you said I should use your bathroom...

"THERE'S HAIR ON THE WALLS!!!"

"THERE'S HAIR IN MY TUB!!!"

"THERE'S HAIR ON MY FLOOR"

Okay, okay. I go downstairs and remove the most offending hair.

Returning upstairs I hear yet another shriek,

"THERE'S HAIR ON MY TOILET!!!!!"

At which point I decide that it's a damn good thing that I'm upstairs and she's downstairs.

And we end with one damp dog curling up on my pillow..the pillow I intended to sleep on tonight.

The joys of owning a dog. Damn, I love that beast.